Most couples don’t fall in love with each other at exactly the same time and at the same intensity level. They fall for each other different times. In other words, one person falls for the other, woos the other, and convinces the other to be a couple. This means that one of them was more in love than the other one was. While this may appear to be a compromise, it really isn’t.
Answer these yes-or-no questions honestly:
- Were you more in love with him, or was he more in love with you, when you first got together?
- Now, after years in a committed relationship, and maybe even raising a family together, are you into each other more equally?
For most couples that will stick together long-term, the answer to both of those questions is “yes.”
What do you think about the big-picture question, “Would you prefer to be with somebody who loves you, or somebody you love?” There’s no “right answer” here. Let’s explore why people choose each option.
The One You Love
Most people have dreamed about being with their “crush” ever since they understood the concepts of longing and love, even to the point that they’re convinced they’re soulmates! Everybody experiences this intense love at some point, and many suffer painful heartbreak as a result. The cycle will keep repeating until somebody feels the same about you! All this to say, those warm, fuzzy feelings you get when your beloved smiles at you are beyond awesome, and you’d like to feel that way for the rest of your life!
When we polled readers to ask why they prefer to be with the one they love, we received some interesting responses. The most common response was, “I believe in my love. My partner will eventually realize I’m their soulmate, and they’ll fall in love with me then.” Other reasons included, “Because it’s my dream!” and, “What if things are the other way around, and I wind up falling for somebody else? I wouldn’t be able to live with that. It would make me feel terrible.”
All of those responses are valid.
The One Who Loves You
The most common question posed by respondents who chose this option was, “Could you even be with somebody who isn’t in love with you?” They imagined it would be absolutely horrifying. “You’re with the person you love, but they end up with somebody else. That would make me feel so bad! Imagine being the third wheel in the relationship…”
They have a point. The first option is like an optimistic gamble that the other person will eventually reciprocate your love. But what if they don’t? What if they never stop looking elsewhere for love? What if your “The One” doesn’t think of you as their “one”? Wouldn’t that have a significant impact on the situation? It sure would!
Overall, more than 85 percent of the respondents to our informal poll chose the more practical option; that is, to marry the one who loves them. As adults, we understand that life doesn’t play out like romantic novels. It isn’t about having a constantly racing pulse and wobbly knees. It is, in the end, all about stability. As you mature, you come to realize that you may have been mistaking infatuation or attraction for love.
Infatuation and attraction are like those cool breezes on hot summer days. Love is like the steady, warm sunlight. You likely don’t value the sunlight much while it’s shining, but once it’s gone, the world literally starts to look dark and gloomy.
So what’s your answer, A or B? Leave your reply in the comments section below!