Women in their mid to late 20s, or early 30s, get tired of telling their family and friends that they aren’t dating anyone special right now. Then, they have to face the inevitable question “Why not?”
Being single as an adult is fun when you are younger. You hang out with college friends while in school and meet new work colleagues at your new job. After a while, it all becomes routine. Friends get married. They have babies! Colleagues move on too. You are still where you were five or seven years ago in singledom.
Women are particularly sensitive to this subject because it is typically men who do the pursuing. Men choose you rather than the other way around and, so far, you aren’t the chosen one. What is wrong and how do you fix it?
There are some things you can change to increase your chances of finding “the one.” Nothing is guaranteed, but doing a few things differently will certainly put you in the right place for the right man.
Specifically, there are 10 things you can do while you are waiting on your soul mate:
- Own your responsibility for your singleness.
Too many times, women like to say their singleness is the fault of something else outside their control. They just haven’t met the right one, had some bad relationships, concentrated on their career, etc. All of that are just excuses. Really, what have you done to contribute to your singleness? Are you always working? Do you stay at home on weekends? Are you approachable? Do you have hang-ups?
You don’t need to beat yourself up over this, but understanding what could be contributing to your unmarried status will help you deal with it and possibly fix those specific issues.
- Know the type of guy you want.
A lot of women start dating in their adult years just to find anybody to marry. They lost their confidence in choosing the right guy and just wanted a guy. Then, they make some terrible choices.
Make a list of the type of character qualities you want in a man. Write out your dream lifestyle. Then evaluate it on what you must have and what you can compromise on. Prioritize. Once you start focusing your intention on finding that man, you will find many more opportunities to meet that kind of person.
- Use online and standard dating services.
It may seem weird to go online to find a husband, but it is possible if you stick with highly reputable sites. Most of the best ones are tied to national services that have been around for decades and also offer in-person consults.
Many specialty dating services cater to unique situations such as a particular faith or lifestyle like farming versus urban life.
Be sure to use standards safety precautions when going online like not giving out your info and meeting with a group or in a public place.
If you have the money, a way to go is to use a personal matchmaker. These can be expensive but are highly successful because they work one-on-one. They get to know you and the man and have a keen sense of what is compatible. Sometimes an objective sense of judgment works well in matters of the heart.
- Go on blind dates.
It can be odd when your best friend or cousin says they know the perfect guy for you, but give it a shot. Again, an objective sense of judgment may be in play. Besides, it will at least get you out of the house.
- Get out of the house.
Yes, it may be more comfortable to sit in your jammies on a Friday night with a medium pizza and a bottle of Merlot catching up on old repeat episodes of Sex and the City. That won’t get you to the altar.
You can’t just go anywhere either. While it may be fun to visit a pottery class, it is highly unlikely that men will be there. Go to where the men are. That means places like sporting events, racing events, bars or venues with live music, and boat marinas.
- Put real values in your search.
Look for the man who will make you happy, not the one who will make you rich or powerful or feel successful. The one who makes you happy may be rich and powerful but that shouldn’t be a prerequisite.
Ask key questions when you start to date but don’t make it sound like you are interviewing them for a job. Ask things like what is their relationship with their family, how do they like to spend time off, and how long they have been at their job. A man who has been at their job for more than three years shows steadiness and stability.
You may venture into asking if they have ever been arrested and for what, how they feel about money and savings, having a family, religion, and other deeper issues once you get to know them.
- Be the person someone would want to marry.
It’s easy to say what you want, but are you the person someone like that would want to marry? Self-improvement is always a good thing as long as you are true to yourself and don’t try to change to be what someone else wants. Start working on other things that make you happy. Volunteer. Smile. Be friendly. Develop a talent you always wanted to learn. All of these things will not only put you in situations where you could feasibly meet a man but also help your inner light to shine. That will attract many of the right kinds of guys.
- Watch the attitude.
It is easy to get discouraged with dating and men. It is easy to start bashing them because they are picking the younger, pretty girl who fawns over their every move rather than a smart cookie like you. Don’t go there. If that is the girl they are attracted to, then that guy isn’t the one for you.
- Dress for attraction.
There is a style of dressing that attracts men, and no, it isn’t the tramp look. Also, the way you dress will attract certain types of men. Just like dressing for the job you want, you must dress for the type of man you want.
Wear nice dresses that fit with stylish shoes and a handbag that is put together. For work-related functions, wear a women’s suit that is also feminine with nicer jewelry and higher heels. If you are a music person and want a casual guy, wear cool jeans with fun footwear and a rocker shirt out on a Friday night.
Dressing up, whether casual or formal, shows men that you care about yourself and are worthy of a second glance.
This can be challenging for some because it feels fake. It doesn’t need to be. Flirting is simply showing a man that you’re interested in. Making eye contact, smiling is a key element. Then, if you’re clever enough, responding to his comments with a fun retort or joke works well. Be yourself but showcase your best self.
- Be vulnerable.
This can be difficult if you have been hurt many times or have just given up on love. There is a story about a guy and two girls going on a hike. Both girls like this guy and he is an avid outdoorsman. One wants to show him all her skills, so she goes up challenging areas, crosses brooks with extreme confidence, proving her independence and fearlessness.
The other girl needs help and asks him to hold her hand while going up hills. She thinks she may have sprained her ankle. He wraps it and says they have to go back and he carries her back to the car. Guess who is going to get the guy?
While men can appreciate independence and guts, they are drawn to women who need them. Everyone wants to be needed. That doesn’t mean you become co-dependent or give up all independence. Just make some room to let the man be the man and help care for you.
There are lots of books on how to find a man, but it is this simple. Once you delve into yourself, fix whatever is inhibiting you from finding love, and put yourself out there, you will find a husband quickly and easily. Not only that, but the relationship will be successful for the rest of your life.